Firemen are Tricky

Now I'm a Dad, I find other people's conversations about children are fascinating. On the train home the other day, I overheard two women talking about their jobs as children's facepainters.

Woman 1: Spiderman, kids love Spiderman. I get a lot of requests for that.
Woman 2: Yeah, me too. And Thomas the Tank Engine.
Woman 1: But I tell you what I find really difficult.
Woman 2: What?
Woman 1: Peppa Pig.
Woman 2: Really?
Woman 1: You've seen the character, Peppa's eyes are on the side of her face. It's really tricky. How do you do that?
Woman 2: Oh, I don't know. I'll have a think - put one eye on each side may be?

Pause, as she thinks more and then digresses

Woman 2: I had a funny one the other day.
Woman 1: What?
Woman 2: A kid came along and said 'I want to be a fireman.'
Woman 1: A fireman?
Woman 2: I know, what do you do? I mean, it's not a character. I said to his Mum, 'He wants to be a fireman. What shall I do?'
Woman 1: What did she say?
Woman 2: She said 'Make him a fireman. That's what the other facepainter did.'
Woman 1: How did they do that?
Woman 2: That's what I asked. She said 'She gave him a beard.'
Woman 1: (laughs) So if you're a fireman, you have a beard?
Woman 2: Seems so. Although when I'd finished, he didn't seem too happy.
Woman 1: Easier to do a Peppa Pig probably.
Woman 2: Yeah, I'll have to work on that one.

W and I have all this yet to come. Although we have thought that little J's bald head could be painted orange for Halloween. We'd have our very own little pumpkin.

Baby ID

All three of us went down to the local tip the other day. I strode off to dump a broken toilet. Meanwhile, W opened the back door of the car and tended to little J as he sat in his seat.

Old man: (opening the driver's door) Excuse me, you're in my car.
W: No, I don't think so
Old man: Yes, yes, this is my car.
W: Well this is my baby. Unless you've kidnapped him, I think this is my car.

The old man quickly sees his error and returns to the car beside ours (different make, different colour, different everything). He sees me as I approach. I'm totally oblivious to what's just happened.

Old man: (flustered, looking at me) I'm getting too old for this...

I smile and nod, unsure as to why I'm being addressed. I thought it was only Danny Glover who said that in the Lethal Weapon movies. Seems not. It all falls into place as W tells me the story on the way home.

The Long and Not the Short of It

We were out for a walk with little J the other day.


W: Aw, look at him in his little outfit.
Me: Very cute.
W: It's the dinosaurs that make it. And that's the bigger baby grow too; he's already out of his newborn stuff.
Me: I can't believe he takes up so much of the carrier.
W: He's a long boy.
Me: And getting longer. I'm sure he's grown a few centimetres since last week.
W: He has. His head's closer to the top of the carrier. We're going to have to get a new one before long.*
Me: He'll be patting me on the head one day.
W: Not just yet. For now he's my little baby.

*And we have, thanks to good ol' ebay.

I Don't Know How He Does It

I'm at the risk of writing too much about poo, but I just have to share this text from W today.

W: I'm going to start my own blog of unlikely places to find baby poo. Today: the baby's shoulder and the baby's elbow.

A Wonderful Moment in Time

And now, on little J's one-month birthday, a recap. The moment of birth was indescribable, but I'll try. After 24 hours and one visit to the hospital, we were finally admitted on our second visit at 2am, the morning after contractions began. 4 hours later, and with only gas and air to help, he was out.

The scene is the delivery room. Baby J emerges.

Me: Wow!
W: Ohhh!
Midwife: There we go.
Little J: Waaa! Waaa! Waaa!
Midwife: It's a little boy.
Little J: Waaa! Gulp. Waaa! 

The nurse whisks him in an arc through the air and places him on W's chest. He lies, facing me, quivering, clearly disgruntled to be out in the open.

W: (who didn't hear the nurse) A boy, yes?
Me: Yes!
W: Hello my little one.
Little J: Waaa!
Me: Hello!
W: It's all right my darling. It's all right.

Life is wonderful.

Back and Sides

I'm back at work now but missing the little fella like crazy. W and I text frequently; here's just one such exchange.

Me: How's our little soldier? 

W: Good, having a conversation with his toy elephant. 

Me: Aw! I'd like to see that... 

W: Ah, I bet there are some first times you don't mind being at work for. Today: pooing up his back AND out the side. 

Me: Literally LOL.

I think for a few moments.

Me: ...and poor you of course...

A few minutes pass and then: 

W: I was ok with it until ten seconds ago when he came up with THE SEQUEL. 

Me: Oh no!!! I'll do the changes tonight. :-)