The Toddler Supremacy

The Baby Dialogues consisted of conversations between me and my partner. Now that the little man can speak, the fun continues at The Toddler Supremacy.

Hiding Places

It's been a while since my last post and so many things have happened that I feel like I really should have been keeping notes. That sort of thing goes out of the window when you need to keep an eye on a toddler who likes to hide things. In this example, you join me at pick-up time at nursery.

I nod to the various parents all desperately trying to unfold their prams and pushchairs in the small space of the foyer. Others are corralling their young and fighting through the baby transportation to leave. I've heard that some make it...

Me: Hi.

Others: Hello. Hi. Hello.

I unfold J's pushchair and find a space to leave it - a piece of cloth flies out of its inner workings. I ignore it momentarily.

Passing Mum: (pointing) That yours?

Me: Mmm?

Pause as I look.

Me: Oh yes... it's... one of my socks.

At this point, dear reader, I felt a twinge of embarrassment. Then I realised 'Remember where you are - this kind of thing must happen all the time.You can blag it.'

The Passing Mum is smiling. Others have taken notice as I bend to collect the sock from the floor.

Me: (looking at my trophy sock in wonder) I wonder who put that there?

A general acknowledgement of the antics of our respective offspring filters around the room. The Passing Mum and other assembled parents smile. Blag over. I win. I'm just happy it didn't happen in the supermarket where the presence of fewer like-minded people would have created an entirely different story. May be it will next time. There will be other hiding places and plenty more opportunities for this to happen.

Nagen Nagen

J knows quite a few words now, but there's one, usually repeated, that particularly puzzles us.

Me: He just did it again.
W: What?
Me: The whole 'nagen nagen' thing. I can't work it what it means.
W: He does it a lot.
Me: It sounds very Scandiwegian. I feel like there should be subtitles whenever he speaks. Maybe he's auditioning for a part in one of those bleak Danish TV series?
W: Heh. There's actually an Australian mythological creature called the Nargun.
Me: No?!
W: Yes, really.
Me: And he's half Australian... could he be channelling something?
W: I don't think so.
Me: Ah well, back to the subtitling thing then...
W: Eh?
Me: Could we get a baby translator? My Mum told me that she used to translate what I said as a baby for my grandparents. I guess only a parent really knows what their kid is saying.
W: Except in this case.
Me: Yes, we've drawn a blank on this one.

Pushing Buttons

I arrive at nursery to pick J up.

Me: How was his day?
Nursery assistant: Fine, ate all his food, but didn't have a very long sleep.
Me: That happens... And what's he been up to?
Nursery assistant: He pushed a doll around in the trolley, did some painting and climbed on some furniture.
Me: Did he now?
Nursery assistant: Yes, and laughed when we asked him to get down.
Me: Ah.
Nursery assistant: Yeah, he finds it really funny. Cheeky monkey.

Back home, I relate the story to W.

W: Well, he is doing that more and more lately. Except at home he seems to find clever ways around things. Whenever I tell him not to do something he tries a subtle variation. When I told him to sit down in the bath the other day, he slowly lowered himself just enough to touch his bottom down and then quickly stood up again. He enjoys it.
Me: I know what you mean. When I said not to pull the books off the shelf the other day he stopped, but a second later started prodding them gently. All the time watching me for my reaction.
W: He knows!
Me: Seems so.
W: It's all about experimenting with what's allowed.
Me: Even if he doesn't understand everything we say, he's modifying his behaviour because he knows something is wrong.
W: It's fascinating.
Me: We've always got to be one step ahead.
W: Sometimes three or four...

How to Scare a Baby (unintentionally)

We don't go out much, so we thought we'd treat ourselves to a car wash.

W: What are we in for?
Me: The full works - double foam wash, wheel scrub, full wax and chasis clean.
W: Pushing the boat out eh?
Me: The car gets dirty on the open road.
W: (suppressing laughter) The M3 to Basingstoke is not 'the open road'. You make it sound like Route 66.
Me: And?
W: Well, it's not is it?
Me: A guy can dream.

W manoeuvres the car into position and we watch as foam sprays the side of the car. Then it's the turn of the brushes. J, in his car seat, looks worried.

W: Don't worry. It's just a car wash. It's making everything nice and clean.

J is not convinced.

W: (nudging me) Look at this will you. Poor little man.

Me: (looking around at J) Don't worry Mister. It's OK.

J looks uncertain, apprehensive even.

W: Now I know how they make children look frightened in those disaster movies. They film them in a car wash, then green-screen it and add the appropriate background.

Spielberg's got nothing on our (inadvertent) techniques.

One Long Streak of Baby

It's been a while since I last posted and so many things have happened. One thing hasn't changed though - at the risk of getting too schmaltzy, we still marvel every day at the way J grows and develops.

Me: It is OK that we 're so rapt with everything he does?
W: Of course, he's our little man.
Me: But other parents do it too don't they?
W: Almost certainly.
Me: I mean, it's not as if I'm booking him into a top university just yet or anything...
W: He will develop as he develops.
Me: But... he's so aware of everything around him, so inquisitive...
W: He is that... but may be it's standard for most babies... he's doing very well. Our little precious...

We watch him doing something delightful for a minute or two...

Me: And look at the size of him.
W: That, I can't get my head around.
Me: How did he get so long?
W:  My 'little' baby.
Me: Not so little now...

Toast, Unexpected

Last night, at bath time, J grabbed a piece of toast I happened to be eating and started munching on it himself... in the bath. This unexpected turn of events was fascinating and very funny. Later, I duly cleaned the soggy remnants from the plughole. Earlier today...

W: He's becoming a lot less destructive, don't you think?
Me: Well, he's not flinging DVDs around, if that's what you mean?
W: Yes, he's actually becoming gentler with objects.
Me: True. But I wonder if he might be diverting his attentions to other pursuits?
W: You're talking about an 11-month-old child here.
Me: Exactly, his brain is developing in many different directions all at once. Who knows what he might be into next?

A minute later, W calls from the bathroom.

W: There's toast in the shower.
Me: Told you.
W: That doesn't mean anything. It just means that there's toast in my shower.

Later, this evening, as W is tidying toys away.

W: There's toast in the toy box.
Me: Now do you see a pattern?
W: Hmm...