Sunday, 10 July 2011

A Trimester-by-Trimester Guide to Diplomacy

The world of compliments is fraught with danger.

1st Trimester - the usual rules of compliments don't apply
W: (lifting up t-shirt) Am I showing?
Me: No, you look fine.
W: There should be something there surely?
Me: I suppose you look a little bigger.
W: Are you saying I've put on weight?
Me: Er... no? (pause) Yes?

(my internal monologue) Help!

2nd Trimester - getting it right
W: My jeans don't fit anymore
Me: Oh no!
W: See? I look sooo big.
Me: You don't look big you look pregnant darling.

Smiles all round.

3rd Trimester - back to square one
W: I don't feel as vast as I usually do.
M: Really?

Wrong answer.

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