All Present and Correct

We've just come back from a stay with Auntie J and Uncle D's, where we became the owners of an inspired piece of present giving.

W: (opening presents for an oblivious  three-month old) What's this? (pause, as the paper is ripped off) Wow! That's brilliant.
Me: Now he can play with your phone safely. He's been reaching for it whenever you have it out.
Auntie J: Do you like it?
W: It's great. In fact, I'm sort of appalled that I like it so much.

The 99th Parallel

I've had some interesting conversations while having my hair cut (here and here for example). This one, with an assistant who was washing my hair the other day, got a little competitive.

Assistant: So, you doing anything for Christmas?
Me: We're having a family Christmas.
Assistant: You got any kids?
Me: Yes, a little boy.*
Assistant: How old? That water warm enough?
Me: Great, thank you. Three and a half months.
Assistant: Aw! So it will be his first Christmas?
Me: Yes.

Pause as I wonder if that is the end of the conversation about children? Because now you've got me started... 

Me: You know, this morning when he woke up, I could have sworn he was bigger than last night.
Assistant: A friend of mine, she's got kids. She says that her kid was, like, top percentage or something? Essentially, if there were a hundred kids in the room of that age, he would be in the top five.
Me: My boy's in the 98th percentile for height. 99th for head size.
Assistant: My brother's head was off the chart. Massive.
Me: Was he OK?
Assistant: Yeah, think so. 
Me: Good.
Assistant: Should be. He's 19 now. 

Pause as that probably is the end of the conversation about children.

Me: So, has it been busy in here over the Christmas period....?

Notes
*It always gives me enormous happiness to answer that question. It's like a little batch of fireworks bursting in my head every single time.

Fontanelle

When a small baby is not moving, it's worth having a look at his/her fontanelle. A few weeks ago...

W: If you look carefully, you can see where the bones of his head haven't come together yet.
Me: I've seen. It's why he was a little conehead when he came out.
W: The little pulsating area is amazing.
Me: Eh?
W: You've seen that, yes? 

I look closer. 

Me: Whoa! Why haven't I noticed that before? That's essentially his heart beating!
W: Yup!
Me: Whoa! 

Now, I can't help but notice it.

The Cattle are Lowing

We're having Christmas lunch, little J sitting happily nearby and squeaking his new giraffe toy. Our Christmas crackers have trivia questions in them.

W: 'In folklore, what do cows do at midnight on Christmas Eve? a) Kneel, b) Walk backwards, c) Wake up.'
Me: No idea. I'll go for 'wake up'.
W: The answer is 'kneeling'.
Me: Is that as in 'lowing' like in Away in a Manger?
W: I think that refers to 'mooing'.
Me: I'd always wondered...
W: (sings) 'The cattle are lowing, the baby awakes, the little lord Jesus no crying he makes...'

We look down at our little boy, happily enjoying the TV.

W: (to baby) See, a lesson for you.
Me: You want him to be a bit more like Jesus?
W: Er... no. Anyway, I doubt our little J is going to be confronted by lowing cattle just yet.
Me: I think he'd handle it very well.
W: He'd have more of a sense of humour about it than Jesus. He'd be like 'Dude, cows! Mummy did you see the cows?' 

Paraphrasing his current coos and gurgles, obviously. But you know what? I think he probably would. I'll report back after the first cow-meeting occasion.

The Masterplan of Little J

W walks into the nursery as I've just finished changing little J. 

W: I've noticed you nearly always leave the top button of his babygrow undone.
Me: He's getting longer by the day - when the outfits are a little tight, I like to think this helps. Gives him room to breathe.
W: May be.
Me: And I guess it makes him look a little cooler.
W: So it's a fashion thing?
Me: I don't do my own top button up. That would just look weird.
W: (smiles) Just the right kind of casual look eh?
Me: Exactly.

Pause as we look down at the baby smiling back at us.

Me: Also...
W: Yeah?
Me: ...it reminds me of a Bond villain. Blofeld for example.
W: I think I see where this is going.
Me: That a bald chap with his top button done up equals the hatching of a masterplan to take over the world?
W: More or less.
Me: It's worth considering. You've seen how he strokes his soft toys...
W: Sleep, a nappy change or milk - that's the extent of his ideas and even then there seems to be little sign of forward planning.
Me: I'm not saying he's an evil genius or anything.
W: No?
Me: But just think of the fringe benefits - an island of our own, a big world map on the wall and we could use the deadly lasers to slice the loaf from the breadmaking machine.
W: Heh! I like it - middle class Bond villain parents.

1,001 Nappies

Now that J is 3 months old, we thought we'd do a little calculation.

I walk into the living room with J in my arms.

Me: That's another change done. Our little trooper is happy again. Funny how these things seem so completely natural now.
W: We wouldn't have said that 3 months ago.
Me: Back then I didn't believe you when you said it could be 10 changes a day.
W: And now?
Me: I think we can both recount a few 10-plus days.
W: So that's near on 1,000 nappies.
Me: Really?
W: Think of it this way. We've been through more than two packs of 150 biodegradable nappy sacks...
Me: ...and often you can get more than 3 nappies in one bag.
W: True. So that's 900 at least and we're not even counting the ones we've changed when we've been out and about. Let's call it a thousand.
Me: How about 1,001?
W: Why? Because it sounds more like an acheivement?
Me: Yep! That, and it will work better as a title for a blog post.

The Elephant in the Room

At nearly three months, Little J has regular tummy time sessions with us to help his arm, neck and chest muscles to develop. We're sitting on the floor with him.

Me: He's more active than usual.
W: Usually he just lies there with his hand in his mouth.
Me: I sometimes put a toy near him.
W: Same here - it makes him reach out. Where's Elly?
Me: (handing W his multicoloured elephant) Over here.
W: Elly's a girl right?
Me: Yep - Elly the elephant.
W: Or it could be Elly Phant? She's Thai or maybe Cambodian?
Me: Could be.
W: It would make sense. There are elephants in Thailand.
Me: If it makes you happy.
W: I like his toys to have a good back story.